Experiences We must Offer to The Next Generation
I once read about a father, Paul Wallich, who built a camera- mounted drone helicopter to follow his young son to the bus stop. He wanted to ensure his son arrived at the bus stop safe and sound. There is no doubt that gizmo provided some entertainment for everyone, but for me, Paul Wallich gives new meaning to “helicopter parent.”
Today, I not only see a new generation of kids on our hands, I see a new generation of parents as well. While I applaud the engagement of these moms and dads, we’ve focused so much on safety, self-esteem, and status that our children can grow into adulthood unready for the hard knocks of life. Too often:
We risk too little.
We rescue too quickly. We rave too easily.
Over time, we fail to offer the rites of passages that former generations gave their kids. I decided to do it differently.
EXPERIENCES THAT FOSTER MATURITY
Do something scary.
There is something about stepping out of our comfort zones to attempt a risky act that’s unfamiliar, and even a little frightening, that makes us come alive. Our senses are heightened when we feel we are taking a risk. We don’t know what we’re doing. We have to trust and even rely on each other.
Facing fears is a rite of passage for kids. Doing something that’s neither prescribed nor guaranteed unleashes adrenaline and other chemicals in our bodies that awaken us. Other “feel good” chemicals also come into play with scary experiences, including dopamine, endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin. Part of the reason more teens don’t “come alive” is we’ve protected them from “high stakes” in the name of safety. As fathers, mentors, coaches, teachers, and leaders, it’s imperative we take ownership over the influence we’ve been given to the children and youth in our lives. We need to take initiative in their growth and development, especially when it comes to conquering their fears and overcoming both physical and mental obstacles they’ll face.
Meet someone influential.
Another challenge I believe that fosters growth is meeting someone they deem significant. Because Gen Z is less at home meeting adults face to face, the encounter itself stretches them. Additionally, meeting significant people invites them to prepare questions to ask and fosters listening skills as well. These can be famous people, but they don’t have to be. The key is they’re people the students believe to be important due to what they’ve accomplished.
An easy place to start is meeting local leaders and people of influence in your own community. If your son or daughter is interested in politics, start with meeting the mayor to learn about issues facing the community. Athletes are often heroes for youth, a meeting with local college coaches or players can be equally motivating and inspiring.
Travel someplace different.
We all know that travel is an education in itself. While classrooms are useful learning contexts, leaving the classroom and what is familiar is better still. Not only does travel push kids out of their comfort zones, it forces them to work at understanding others, at connecting with new environments, and at problem-solving, since those new contexts are places we cannot default to our subconscious. Consider this, when we’re in familiar situations we can shift into “cruise control.” We can become numb to reality since we’re on our home turf. This doesn’t occur in a foreign location. Mission trips stir our curiosity, beg us to research, beckon us to learn and invite us to grow up. We think new thoughts in new places. My friend Glen Jackson says, “A change of pace plus a change of place equals a change of perspective.”
Chase a meaningful goal.
I believe teens need permission and full-control to pursue an objective that has high stakes. Past generations matured more effectively because they were given responsibility for jobs and goals that had genuine meaning at a young age. When we lower the stakes, or we give kids an artificial purpose to engage in—they end up with artificial maturity.
Wait and work for something you want.
One of the reasons teens and college students find “adulting” so challenging today is they’ve grown up in a world where almost everything is “instant access” and “on-demand.” It can coerce us to expect instant gratification. The opposite of this trait is patience and work ethic. These traits signal true maturity because the person is able to see a goal in their mind that is still invisible externally. Consider what’s happening in their brain. When a teen envisions an outcome before they actually experience it, it can cause the brain to release dopamine and endorphins, which signal pleasure and rewards. As teens experience learned industriousness—I keep working because I know it will pay off—acetylcholine kicks in. This chemical plays a vital role in learning and memory and it deepens neuropathways as kids associate rewards with working for a goal. In our home, our kids paid for half of their first car, half of their smart phone or half of a trip they each wanted to take in school.
Read more of Experiences We Must Offer to the Next Generation by Tim Elmore in Kinsmen Journal Volume 1 — Purchase here.
