Set the Table

Men, this essay is as much about intentionally pursuing the heart of your wife as it is about the need for human connection, so please read on.

When summer began this year, it was different. Collectively, we were all emerging from what’s been a seemingly endless reel of discouraging news, the last 18 months have been mentally exhausting to say the least.

It’s been said laughter is the best medicine, but laughter has unfortunately been on limited supply and the prescription hard to fill. What’s made matters worse is the act of gathering with others for dinner or having guests over fellowship had became a place of worry rather than enjoyment.

Yet, summer was upon us and the mood was shifting.

In recent months, we’ve had the privilege of enjoying a dinner gathering on two separate occasions; one with friends and the other with guests we didn’t know much about. Looking back, I didn’t realize how much I needed to be with others, breaking bread and sharing in mutual curiosity and a general well-being of one another, fellowship is good for the soul. 

I should mention though, each dinner was not an ordinary gathering, each were planned in advance with every detail considered. 

We were visiting family in Indiana and the hosts invited five couples, many of which were meeting each other for the first time. The chef was dishing up a seven-course meal, the table was meticulously set and we immediately felt like royalty to have been invited. After an hour, you would have thought the group was childhood friends who gather regularly to reminisce about fond memories. Endless laughter echoed throughout the home for hours, stories of embarrassment, marriage, and of course our kids, were frequent topics that evening. We sat down at 7:00, but by the time we looked at the clock, it was well past 10:30 and the sitter watching the nearly dozen children next door needed to be relieved. We were lost in one another with no distractions and it was beautiful.

The following morning, we sat reflecting on the amount of fun we had, it was life-giving to say the least. These emotions were the direct result of experiencing the human connection; seeing a friend’s forehead wrinkle as they laugh or when their eyes light up when sharing stories about one another is a richness that is invaluable, it was community at its best.

We’re created for community. 

Men, we can likely agree that our wives or the women in our life are usually much more intentional about relationships and getting together with friends, but we’re not created to live in a silo, we need each other. I sat at a table for nearly four hours with mostly people I didn’t know and left that night walking on the clouds.

A month or so later, we decided to host our own dinner gathering with some friends we were just getting to know. Leading up to that night, my wife began her extensive preparation in anticipation for our guests. Although we weren’t having a private chef and seven-course meal, we could sense an excitement for having people in our home again as it’d been more than a year since we had a gathering like this. Though it’s important to point out, when you’re preparing to have a dozen or so people over for dinner, the preparation usually begins more than a few days before. 

Having been married now for 15 years, I’ve observed many talents and gifts my wife carries, but her ability to show extravagant hospitality to others in our home is poetry in motion. Namecards. Fresh flowers. Ice Buckets. Appetizers. Entrees. Pies. Coffee. Sparkling Water. The details were evident everywhere you turned. As a husband, it’s a joy to see your wife flourishing in her gifts. 

When was the last time you intentionally made time for your wife to flourish in something she delights in doing? If you can’t remember, go make time for it.

Back to dinner. 

Our guests arrived, with many having kids younger than 9 years old. Our house has plenty of room, but still small enough to hear kids playing and making sounds that children make, which are usually loud. I say this as a precursor because we assumed our guests would stay for no longer than a couple of hours, as it was a Sunday evening and the work week was ahead. But we were wrong.

Similarly to our experience in Indiana; we sat, we broke bread, we laughed, and we enjoyed community for more than 3 ½ hours without leaving the table. It was beautiful.

That night, my wife and I were reflecting on how much we enjoyed serving others in our home, though I must admit, I told her how surprised I was that everyone stayed so long. She turned, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “It’s because we set the table.”

Immediately I was reminded of the gift of hospitality that she carries within her and it’s activation led to filling our deeply important need to gather and laugh with others. 

Whatever gifting your wife carries within her, it’s your responsibility to seek it out and allow for its rightful flourishing. So go do it, you’ll be glad you did.